The things they say

It was parents' evening last week and I was fairly busy, years 7, 8 and 9 all at the same time. Niall from Yr 7 came to see me with his Dad.

Have you told your Dad what we do in lessons Niall?

No.

Well I'm not teaching you at the moment am I?

No.

So who is?

Er ... Mr. Muhammad.

Why?

I don't know.

Yes you do. What's he teaching you?

Er ... about Islam.

That's right. And why him and not me?

I don't know.

Yes you do. Come on, think about it. Brown skin, big beard, robe. All the clues are there really.

Is he a Sikh?

On another occasion my colleague Ron was talking to kids about food and nutrition.

So what did you have for dinner then sir?

Well, my wife cooked a nice pork loin in cider.

(Startled pause.)

How did she do that then sir?

What?

Cook it inside her?

Then a group in circle time. If you were an animal what sort of animal would you be?

I'd be a lion ... I'd be a bear ... I'd be a horse ...

I'd be a hedgehog.

Why Liam?

So I could be a right prick!

Sir, sir. My sister's having a baby.

Oh. (Neutral tone. you never know what's coming.)

She's going to call her Kylie-May. Two names with a python in the middle.