I am not convinced.
My year 8 class is perfectly pleasant but the boys are prone to giggling and making inappropriate comments. But then that's the point, I suppose: we need to challenge ignorance before it becomes ingrained.
"So, is a vasectomy when your testicles are removed?"
"But condoms always split - a bit like JLS. Did you see what I did there?"
We have reached the stage of discussing contraception and I thought I'd start with the coil. They are stunned into silence at the site of them.
"You could go fishing with that!"
I ask which life stage a woman who chooses to use the coil might be at that this would be her choice.
"Old women." shouts Callum. Now Callum isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer.
"Old women dont need contraselectives, stupid!" Sabrina can be very forceful at times. You don't mess with Sabrina.
Then the class is entirely unconvinced that the cap is, indeed, a method of contraception. I go to my (very) badly rendered diagramatical cross section of "lady parts" and show how a cap would work but only after Callum had suggested that a man might put it "up him". One or two of the other lads looked less than keen at this point and I was left pondering whether we might be in the processing of traumatising young minds into celibacy. ("If you think I'm using that you've another think coming.") I do not forget to mention the very important section about spermicidal jelly - a little of which lands on my desk. They recoil in horror as if it were acid and cry "Eeeewww" as one. I point out one of the disadvantages: that it is now hard to manipulate because it is slippy and, right on cue, it flies out of my hand and lands on Carly's table. There is almost a stampede to escape as if, in its evil intent, it might just eat one of them.
I remember watching one French and Saunders sketch with one of my girls when she was at an impressionable age; a sketch where Dawn French asserted that a slinky was a method of contraception. I'm sure that explains why my daughter isn't keen on dating.
Anyway, I say, let's look at the condom. I delve into the resources case and flourish a ... femidom. This attempt at humour is completely lost on them and they all sit there expectantly waiting for the explanation. Now the next stage of the explanation for the femidon requires the rather belated introduction into the conversation of Percy the prosthetic blue penis.
Also available in pink. I quip.
Over their heads.
It dawns on me at this point that it is break for another cohort of kids and I am standing with my back to the window waving a blue penis about for all to see. A part of my brain begins to imagine how a letter of parental complaint might be worded.
Nevertheless I plough on.
The femidom is very effective but it really doesn't seem to have caught on.
I don't think they've been very well marketed.
"Perhaps they could put glitter on them."